The Group Gazette

NEWSFLASH! NEWSFLASH! NEWSFLASH!

2005-08-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

zack ellenburger nd lindsey mai.. PREGNANT!

but this iz no ordinary pregnancy. nope.....this time the boy is pregnant! think its unbeleivable?! better beleive it!!.....word on the street iz that they had wild sex at the movie theater and it wuz all over after that.1 of our contancts gave The Group Gazette an X-Clusive intervieu. this contact, howevr, shall remane unnamed. apparently while they were doin it at brenden one of the managers came in and kicked them out.but that didnt help.....no way..... they just continude on there wild rampage OUTSIDE! this same contact saww them both in a bush behind mcdonalds. he said once he laid eys on the 2 of them he immediately became blind and cant seam to understand y......ellenburger didnt evn find out bout the pregnancy till he was forcd to hav a fisical done at the hi skool. once they told him he was pregnant, it was all ovr. he actually ran from the bilding crying and began ripping off his clothes....... agin, no1 noes why.....

now the scoop is that zach has diched lindsey and has mooved on to other girls at band camp. he has started to flirt with girls like theres no tmrw! but of coarse, we noe y! he wants to get as much fun in as pssible b4 his life becomes hell with his new babys.....

now on 2 our nxt topic......what is brad pitt thinking??

A new look for the almighty Group Gazette

2005-06-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

The face of the Group Gazette has changed and moved on to it's Volume II of it's issuance. What does it mean? Is it just the beginning of a new set of changes for the growing paper? Or is it just the beginning of the end? More to come as details unfold.

Breaking News- 9 months has left the group completely changed!!

2005-04-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

Breaking News- 9 months has left the group completely changed!!

Many citizens of Vanden High Schools Filipino/Black/White/crazy mix of culture- Group had thought that the Group Gazette was no more. Reporter Ben Dover has more on the story.....

"Though many group members are still in the dark about who the originators of this crazy paper are, it lives on. Nine months has left quite a change in the group itself. Some members still remain, while others are left hanging to the group by a string while finding..... other...... pleasures in high school. The once "dormant" relationship of Christopher Baca and Nia Laxamana is once again active in the world today. Danny is no longer with the group which left many "Dan Fans" in tears. It was a tragic event. On a lighter note Lily Rau led the Freshman Class to a victory over the entire school at a recent rally. Other people have since joined the group such as Jimmy, who was recently brought in because of his association with Jessica Petalio. All in all there have been many transformations resulting from sports, band, JROTC, or colorguard commitments that have left the group a bit different, but still the routy bunch that has and will continue to terrorize the band quad at lunch"

Thanks Ben. And now to the story on everyones mind- is Britney Spears ready?

2004-08-24T12:04:00.003-07:00

as summer iz comin to an end, so iz tha summa drama

well ova tha summa, u seen a lack ov update from the group gazette. on behalf of tha group gazette, i would like to give my deepest apologeze. but anywayz ..

tha summa drama? youd a thunk that since summa starts, drama ends. WRONGO! there has been way too many drama way to much to keep track, thatz y we hav stoped typing on the group gazette fo awhile. lets catch up ..

numero uno: lindseys scandales 17 year old relashunship. rumor and truth has it that lindsey has made out with a 17 year old. and thatz how many yearz older? well, it all started when lindsey was denying brian b/c of a terrable fight of theres about there babi being a guy or a gurl.crying in anger,lindsey ran away to tha park and found an older guy, with a tongue piercing and needed sumone to comfort her .. and by comfort I mean .. ya kno.. well, turns out that they had sex in a tube slide, and lindsey and twins...but...one baby was brians and one was that 17 year old.impossible? you betta believe it

dos: baca and nias secret relatiobship.talk about confedenshial... hardly new about that soontobe relationship ..except the group gazette,when word is spread, we spread it back out. baca and nia was a shur thing, soon to be marriage. first, baca was going to depart to the moon for a month, when he came back, he changed. before that though ... he proposed to her. wen he came bak, he had changed his whole points of views. such he got more religious and stuff. he still loves nia, but thot it would be wrong to date nia, cause of his beliefs.

tres: jessica and josh bak together?? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha, talk about failing relationship..thatz a reel furst in tha group. a longdistance relationship. so, on behav of tha group gazette, i wood like to honor them with an imaganari medal for that first but lindsey gets most of tha medals. wurd has it that this will be the longest lasting relationship tha group has ever seen .. will they brake tha record? 6 months? excluding tha on/off thing. i bet tomorrow that they will brake up. josh is already in japan and he will be tempted sooner or later...

quatro: lindsey and steven. wurd has it that it was a soonto be relatinship to. But strictly for fun.No serious relatinship. but, steven and his best frend were having a secret relationship to. it turned lindsey on a little bit,but knowing her reputation was at stake .. she didnt want to risk having a 3some wit da 2 of em.

sinco: frum wut tha group gazette has heard .. ~~band camp=hell.~~ .. band camp is hell.

ses: zack has turne pimp evr since he got his braces off. all them girl be sayin "dont you think zack iz hot now" or zack got hotter" he has taken them all in now and now he is booked forthe whole week b/c of dem gurls up on him ... litereally.

seite: danny iz in the hospital. skateboardin accident...further said

uncho: ..No uncho. See ya.

2004-08-24T12:04:00.002-07:00

2004-08-24T12:04:00.001-07:00

2004-08-24T12:04:00.000-07:00

2004-07-17T18:16:00.000-07:00

News Flash!!! a kind of a relationship the group has nvr seen be4

rumors have been spreading that lily and danny r a couple soon to be. is it a match made in heavn .. or the gateway to HELL?!

...a match in heavn

it all started when lily was started going out with andrew. lily pretended to that the reason she dumped andrew was thad he had secret feelings for lindsey..when the true reason was that she had feelings for danny.
danny pretended that the reason he dumped jessica was that he liked nia. But the real reason was that there was some chemistree between him and lily. tha 2 connect on a level that no one has ever experienced; they even complete each others sentences..how sweet is that? the 2 were even seen trying to super glue each others pinkies together. now if that isnt luv, then what is?

... a gateway to hell...theres more to the story than the meening of 2 soulmates..what about jess m? did they forget about jessicas strong feelings towards danny. what about there planned wedding in sweden, what about there 15,000 kids?! oh tha humanaty!! jessica has been left to enter a state of xtreme depression. she has gottn one of a kind eating disorders and ingrown toenails. all b/c of danny and lily!!! lily and jessica m used to be really close friends..until lily stabed jessica in the front. u kno what happens when frends stab you in tha front.. it fuking hurts!

tru love.. but at wut cost?!?

2004-06-29T23:49:00.000-07:00

News Flash! Anthony and Lily's Relationship finally coming to an end?

anthony and lily met in tha first grade at cambridge elemeentary school. they have been inseperable since then. their relationship is so close, that they know everything about each other. is this steel bond between lily and anthony melting? what has come of them?

inside sources have notified me that the two have been slowly but surely slipping appart. apparently after lily spent the nite at nia's house, lily found out about some information that cannot be disclosed. this piece of information dat anthony failed to tell lily, could be tha heat melting away the steel bond. lily was sent into a place of complete sadness, crying till the sun came up. then, into complete anger. apparently, this relationship is on the verge of beraking up. they never confronted each other, and now tha two has gone their separate ways.

anthony says, "lily is such a drama queen, she always turns things into something that they aren't. i'm not even sure if are fridnship is worht all of this shit"

lily says, "i can't believe he would do something like this...."

now, that the closest bond within the group is gone, will the group fall apart? will tha group crumble? was this relationship the foundatoin of the group? we will soon find out... until next time.

"The K in Zack is missing.... or rather himself"

2004-06-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

as the departure of our group comic nears, group members have been seen in blockbuster and hollywood video stocking up on bill engval, jeff foxworthy, chappelle, and other popular comedian videos and dvds as they will be needing to laugh while zack will not be here to entertain. as one member put it "zach brings a whole crazy sense at times." others are glad hes going to be gone. after a quick interview with a member who has requested secrecy, the following quotes were obtained: "the little fag jus cant get enough of himself" "him and his sidekick, chris, can stay in their southern land as long as they like. im glad theyre both going to be gone." this shows how much contraversy there is within the group as to their relationships with zach.

our nice haired friend chris is missed by many, however. its jus not the same without that golden hair walking around town. many have gone to brian for their problems, but his hair cannot compare to chris's. along with not comparing with hair, our correspondent reported seeing a group member leave his house crying. no one knows why........

2004-06-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

Extra, Extra! jessica & danny NOT together officially

jessica and danny, after being his 3 year fiance, jessica and danny were to wed on the first day dei met. BUT, tha day b4 there wedding, danny was having mixd feelins bout his lovly bride-ta-be. he waz starting to have affections to a pimpette, nia. nia had been out wit almost everyone, but at heart, iz really a good person. but .. nia is in a deep, lovin relationship with chris. so danny is left to hav a secret affection for nia in tha shadows.

jessica, not understanding wat danny ment by "we need a break while seeing other people", she waz in denile that her and danny werent still together. so she went around believing that she waz still his fiance, until a friend cleared it up.

so danny broke off the wedding and univited al of tha guests and cancelled all the orders uv tha food and flowers. so sadly jessica has tha fate of a widow now .. until next time!

2004-06-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Extra! Extra! ANTHONY and JESSICA, NOT really cousins, but secret lovers

anthony and jessica first met during band of seventh grade. they became friendz bcuz they could relate bcuz they were both filipino. after they became friends, dey were faced with comments like "oOo, are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend" they made up a lie saying that dey were cousins and that if they were "together" it would be gross.

the real reason they told the lie was to disguise their secret affection towards one another.

the "couple" was seen at many movies many times... alone. everytime they were at the movies, their faces were blocked with a magazine. to this day, nobody knows what has gone on behind those magazines. could it be love? it is.

Chris and Lindsey

2004-06-28T20:59:00.000-07:00

Hulk meet Hideous

as the Group welcoms summa into there lifes, saying there goodbyes to school and their hellos to the rule free vacation. to many summa is a time for no stress and no drama. Not in dis completely fictional group. as the new couples emerge, we looked upon dem and spectated about how long it will last because we all new, all summer flings must come to an end. A recent summer couple has came to an abrupt end.

Chris W, a 7th grader with an anger problem, has been paired up wit Lindsey, a single mother who ran away from home. in just tha first week of summa, deese 2 individuals have emerged as soulmates and lovers. They seemed 2 not take any outside opinions and divert it into negative energy towards dere somewhat-private relationship. Lindsey has encountered many relationship problems in the past. Her first boyfriend was a deranged pyromaniac. her second boyfriend dumped her for a more attractive male. Her third... well we'll not get into tat. i believe that you have got the picture now.

Well, her pattern of pyromaniacs, sex-addicts, and anger-filled psychos has not ended. her relationship with Chris w. started as a cinderella story. Hulk meets hideous. then, the relationship began 2 crumble. Lindsey questioned her affection and devotion towards da always angry Chris. she planned on dumping him on the night of the skating rink. as she arrived, she was so scared of Chris's reaction dat she backed down without question. da "loving" couple went through tha night not knowing what was to come.

at da end of the fun-filled night, as we sed our goodbyes. Chris approached Lindsey in a calm demeanor. the group knew that something was up. chris is NEVER calm. Chris's ride arrived and Lindsey returned to da group. she notified da nosey spectator's that the relationship was over. as Chris exited the last place he will be as the boyfriend and baby daddy of lindsey, the group heard large gunshots inside the vehicle transporting the Hulk to his home. chris apparently went crazy and fired open gunshots. lindsey began rubbing her stomach to comfort her unborn child. and that's where it ends. as a smart man once said, "All good things must come to an end." and so the story goes...

2004-06-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

News Flash: Brian A DOESNT luv Lindsey!

brian A, with a big ass drinking problem, has denied ever loving Lindsey , a single mother w/ 25 children. Who 3 of the most recent MAybe retarted. lindsey destroyed at his chance of a could-be loving, intimate relationship with brittney sievers. she was the cause of her breaking up with him, she was the cause of EVERYTHING. she was also the cause of Brian A. going into a humungous drinking rage.

when brittney s broke up with him, brian a didnt knoe what to do. he started staying at bars all night and day long. he wandered the streets trying to find himself, stopped going to his wealthy job, and begged people for money on the streets, he also raped a young girl in an alley, thinking that it was his dear brittney.

One day, as lindsey was at the park walking her dog, she saw Brian laying under a tree, cussing at a little kid for taking his dog, when actually, it was the little kid's. feeling sorry for brian, she offered him to stay over at her house. needing a place to stay .. he accepted. while at her house, they talked in the late, late night .. and had hot, wild, crazy sex.

next mornin .. brian denies loving lindsey and having sex with her was a mistake. heartbroken, lindsey forces him out of her house.

in tha future .. brian a is a very sucessful man .. and lindsey sits alone rocking in her chair with her 25 children and fathers.